What if social media focussed on the experiment of life - the constant work in progress? The unravelling instead of a shiny polished product?

The carefully crafted picture social media pressures me to share. Note: she never allows headbands. Same with footwear. That spinny toy... she mostly empties it and uses the stick to hit people.	Actual life where it takes 24 hours to fully scrub off the greek yogurt residue under her neck fold.

I've been struggling with sharing any updates. On one hand, nothing has really changed. On the other hand, lots has changed. Hahaha. In my unsatisfied state, I've chosen apathy vs. just going with what I have.

Alas, something has shifted within me and I can garble enough desire to begin typing out the last year. The up and downs. The full incomplete story.

I'll start with the current state of affairs and work my way back. There's been much I've witnessed in myself, my family and in life though I'm far from being able to process those moments into learnings. Ah well, feck the desire to want everything perfectly packaged. 

Maeve is doing well. She's grown in development if not much in size. She prefers bum scooting as a form of transportation. I've caught her sliding a tupperware lid under her butt to gain extra speed. She loves to eat and then spit out her food; so we are still using her feeding tube as the primary source of nutrition. She babbles and says a handful of words like: cheese (only when a phone is held up in her general vicinity), buh-bye (followed by a rapid succession of air kisses), uh oh and nose. 

Health wise, Maeve's heart is stable for the time being. We've finally gotten confirmation that her Gtube surgery will be attempted (date unknown). Whether they'll actually be able to install won't be confirmed until they're inside. grumble grumble.

The older girls are doing well. They're fantastic babysitters most of the time (though I have come downstairs to find Maeve eating out of my plant pot while the girls are zombie-ing over Netflix RIGHT NEXT TO HER). If anyone ever wants to debate the pros and cons of having children with (and without) age gaps - I'm eager to compare notes. 

That's all I can type out for now. The TV is tired of watching Maeve and she's coloring on Dana's precious white walls.